Tag Archives: That awkward moment

Man Reaches In Between Woman’s Legs for Power Cord, Interrupts Coffee Date

That awkward moment at a coffee shop when someone is sitting right over the power plug and you need to reach under theirs legs to plug in or pull out your cord.

hk_starbucks_coffee_in_caine_road

I was at Starbucks doing a bit of writing and internet cruising on my computer, while enjoying my overpriced cappuccino.  I had my laptop connected to a nearby plug at ground level and had been comfortably hogging it for more than an hour as I, ever so slowly, sipped my tall size coffee.


At long last, I ready to pack up and leave when I realized that, blocking the electrical outlet that held my plug, were now a pair of women’s legs.

I needed to ask her if I could sneak in underneath her legs to get my cord.  Only problem was that the lady was right in the middle of a hot coffee date.  And the guy who she sitting with had her full attention, enthusiastically chatting her up a storm.

I couldn’t understand more than a word or two of what he was saying, as he was talking fast and furious in Cantonese.   I could only assume it was an amazing story though, just by the sheer excitement in how he was telling it, with body language to match.  

Whatever story he was telling, I got the feeling he was determined to impress this lady and believe me, he was succeeding.  She was completely enraptured by this story, whatever it might have been.  

Meanwhile, I was sitting there, waiting for a stopping point of some kind to intercede, but there seemed to be no stopping this guy’s flow.  He was firing off words like James Joyce on amphetamines.  For those unfamiliar with the works of James Joyce, check out this clip from the classic film Back To School from 0:42 onward for a taste of what I mean.

back-to-school-yes-yes

Being that it would be kind of awkward to interrupt this couple during their moment, I decided to stall my plunge downward to retrieve my cord.  I started slowly, but steadily packing up all my things.  As I did, I was hoping that, by the time I had finished wrapping up my odds and ends and shoved them into my backpack, I would finally get my chance at making a congenial interruption, with as little awkwardness as possible.  Unfortunately, I had no such luck…

I sat there with powercord half wrapped in my hands, looking over at them with this “hey, I don’t mean to interrupt” look on my face, patiently waiting for them to notice my eyes burning into their faces, but nope.  They were in another world.  A happier world.  A world without being trapped from taking their powercord from underneath a pair of legs while the nonstop blossoming of true love was taking place above the table.

Eventually, my patience wore thin and I had to take action.

date-interrupted

I tapped on the girl’s shoulder, while the dude was mid-sentence.  Surprise registered on them both instantly as she turned to find this random westerner stealing away this girl’s attention.  Immediately, I was like “hi, excuse me, sorry, but I need to, down there, my cord, the plug, really sorry about that, thanks!”

Realizing what I was asking, the lady moved her legs just enough in order for me squeeze down underneath her.  And so I contorted my body downward to try to take this cord from under her legs as unsuspiciously as possible.

When I rose up, trimphantly, cord in hand, I saw the face of the guy.  His facial expression was brief, but definitive.  No doubt in my mind, this guy was saying to himself “hey, I was the one that was supposed to get in between her legs.”

why-you-cbing-bruh

So I just give him this look back like “geez guy, what you want from me?”  I mean, let’s be real.  I gotta do, what I gotta do.

I didn’t say another word.  I finished packing up and rushed out like a thief in the night, leaving them to awkwardly continue their date.  I could tell that I must have spoiled “the mood”, but I do hope he managed to get back on his game.  I mean you had to give him credit.  He must have had one hell of a story that he was telling.

Still, let this be a lesson to all coffee daters out there.  If you want to make the best impression, before you start telling her the story of the century, or reciting heart melting poetry, be sure to take a second to make sure your girl isn’t sitting on some other guy’s cord first.

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Two Old Ladies Arguing in Front of the Men’s Room Nearly Made Me Piss Myself 

Define “Awkward”: two female cleaning ladies having a spirited argument in Cantonese right in front of the men’s bathroom door, completely ignoring my pleas to get past.

Now you might say to yourself, “what’s the big deal?  Just ask them to move out of the way.”

Believe me my friend, I tried, but these ladies were having it out and were not having any of my interruptions.

For those unfamiliar with the sheer power of old Chinese ladies in full out argument mode, check this article from the SCMP out.  

I know that was in Mainland China, not Hong Kong, but those ladies argued for 8 hours straight until they passed out on the street.

The two aunties in front of me didn’t seem to have the same reckless abandon, but in a place where “face” means everything, no one goes down without a spirited verbal fight.

So just to give a little background to my own situation, it was right before the holidays.  I was doing some last minute running around. Extra long lines had me holding it in for a while.  Once checked out and bagged, I ran upstairs to the luxury section of stores.  The bathrooms there tend to be clearer and less lines, but of course more hidden from plain sight.

After finally a bit of maze deciphering, I finally discover the entrance to the bathrooms, only to be confronted by this obstacle; two old Chinese cleaning ladies in a full on argument.  

Using my observational skills and very rough Cantonese, I could only surmise that they must have been arguing about wash clothes, of all topics.  Now they could have been arguing about a man, about politics, or post-brexit economic strategies for all I knew, but they were waving around wash clothes like you wouldn’t believe.

And there I was, arms full of packages and desperate to go through to relieve myself.  I tried saying “excuse me”.  I even tried an “Mm goi!”  I was ready to try in Italian, Spanish, and even throw in a “sacre bleu!” if I thought it would help, but these two ladies didn’t seem ready to hear me in any language.

Plow through them?  Yeah I could have tried that, but two things to keep in mind. 

1. I was using much of my reserve energy to “hold it in” if you know what I mean.  Afterall, I’m too old to get away with the pee pee dance.  So I had to keep my cool and that takes some effort to look like you’re not making effort.
2. If there’s one thing you never want to do, it’s arbitrarily step in the middle of any fight, regardless if it’s about a man or owed money or wash clothes, as this one seemed.  

I later came across this article about strategies and tactics to use when trying to break up a fight.

http://www.wikihow.com/Break-Up-a-Fight-Between-Two-People

Regardless, I had to deal with this situation as best as I could muster.  The next washroom was a long pee pee dance away.

So I calculated how much reserve energy to redirect without wetting myself, fired the vocal thrusters and let out a last chance “Mm Goi Siu je”.

The two ladies heard this time.  They turned to me and looked at me with a combination of “stupid Gwalio” and who are you calling “young lady?”

They parted out of the way and I rushed through into the bathroom, just in the nick of time. So crisis averted and I was soon back on my way to getting ready for the holidays.

I hope all your holidays were as least awkward as possible.  Happy new year everyone!

Auntie’s Head Mistakenly Grabbed on Hong Kong Minibus 

That awkward moment where I’m trying to squeeze my way off a crowded minibus, I reach for the back of a seat to steady myself, accidentally grab a Chinese Auntie’s head.

For your average westerner, there’s always that slight bit of nervousness that comes when it comes to riding a minibus in Hong Kong.  The routes are less likely to be on main streets, you have to ask the driver to stop where you need, and there’s a whole list of ways you can and must use to get to your stop, and you have to say it in Cantonese.

On top of that, getting off the minibus at your stop often becomes a true test of quick thinking, agility, flexibility, and speed.  When the minibus is full, stuff in people’s arms are overflowing into the aisles, the bus driver is itching to hustle down the street ASAP, and you’ve got the window seat in the last row, you need to duck, dive, twist and dash your way to the door and off the bus before the people outside start rushing on-board.

Naturally, this sometimes makes for awkward moments, like the other day.  I struggled to get out of of my window seat, past the lady with bags on her lap that gave me like two inches to crawl past her.   As I stumbled, I reached out to grab a handle or the back of the seat, but I missed judged my reach.  Instead, I accidentally grabbed an older, local Hong Kong lady by the head.


It took a split second to realize that I had grabbed something hairy, instead of the shiny metal handle on the back of a seat, but that split second seemed like an eternity of horror.  I let go immediately, ran out of the bus in complete embarrassment, and (while I already knew apologies would mean nothing, that lady was most definitely going to curse my whole family in Cantonese) I apologized profusely with a staccato and continuous string of “sorry sorry so sorry” the whole way up the aisle and out the bus.

I couldn’t help, but think that day that, even though completely by accident, I probably completely reinforced all that lady’s negative impression of westerners in Hong Kong.  Maybe next time I’ll take a cab.  😉

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