Tag Archives: Hong Kong

The Most British Outfit in Hong Kong

I found it… in Marks and Spencer on Queens Road Central, on a men’s section mannequin… behold, the most British outfit in Hong Kong.

I’m tempted to buy this ensemble and go as Pip from “Great Expectations” to the next “dress like a literary character costume party”.

Don’t believe me that this is the most British outfit in Hong Kong?  Well, let’s break it down.

First, I found this while perusing Marks and Spencer and I think we can all agree that Marks and Spencer is British af.

Second, let’s look at the individual pieces of the outfit: the newsboy flat cap, the bow tie, sweater vest, the tweed jacket, the pants rolled up to show the ankle, brown swede shoes.

It’s like the kind of thing a fancy, posh, British man would wear while trying to look casual.  It’s the kind of thing I’d imagine a member of the royal family wearing while on holiday at a chateau.

Prince Charlie pretty much nails the look except for the bow tie.

Just to be sure that I had indeed found what I was certain of, I googled “most British outfit in Hong Kong” and found zero direct results.  So it’s a distinction that is open to be fully determined.  No one else has yet made the claim to have found a most British outfit in Hong Kong.

But what of in the rest of the world? Sure there must be an outfit more British than this somewhere out there.  So I googled “most British outfit” and this was the number one result that came back.


Most British outfit?   Close, but sorry boyo, I think the Marks and Spencer outfit I found has it beat.  Just ask Arthur Shelby from Peaky Blinders.


This dude looks like the most British man to ever have lived, and he’s pretty much wearing the same look as on this mannequin.

Have you seen an outfit more British than this one?  Let me know. Otherwise check out this article from Gentleman’s Gazette that tells all about how to look more British than you could possibly imagine.

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Max Payne chic at Zara

Good to see “rogue cop on the run, trying to clear his name” style is back in fashion. 

Found this ensemble displayed in Zara at IFC, Hong Kong.  

With Halloween coming up, now’s a good chance to pick up this set and go twin guns blazing, backwards, bullet time into your party in Lan Kwai Fong. 

It’s ok, I’m on the list, where’s my drink tickets?

Mid-Autumn Festival Faux Pas at Customs

When traveling across borders, there’s always that thought that there might be a bit of miscommunication with the language differences. However, I’m not sure language is the main contributor to these little holiday travel faux pas.

This past week was Mid Autumn festival, a time for moon cakes and lanterns and family time.

Give the recent, new addition to the family, my baby daughter, we decided to venture across the China border to Shenzhen to visit some family over there and introduce them to the bouncing baby girl.

We decided to take the whole gang along: wife, son, baby daughter, father-in-law, and myself. We were expecting an endeavor, that’s for sure. Battling through wall-to-wall holiday travelers, while bringing two kids on a long ride of various transportation methods (bus, to train with a transfer, and then a taxi).

It was a two and a half hour trip, door-to-door, with plenty of room for spontaneous chaos. And sure enough we got it. Son wanted to run around like mad in the chaotic Shenzhen train station. Daughter cried through most of lunch and the entirety of one the bus rides, but was inexplicably a perfect angel between those times. We were happy to see our family again and finally introduce baby daughter to them. It was nice seeing them as always. But it was an endeavor indeed.

Still, it was two moments while going through customs that made us go hmmm, when we looked back at the most exhausting holiday lunch trip in recent memory.

“Wait! Is that child with you too?”

As we were heading towards Shenzhen, we went to the passport check all together. My wife handed all the passports and Hong Kong ID’s to the customs lady. Wife was standing by my son, who was in one stroller, and I was standing behind my daughter’s stroller holding on to the handles the whole time. The Customs Lady checked my wife’s passport, then mine. She stood up to look down at the kids, asked my wife for my son’s name. All seemingly smooth. She then handled the stack of passports and IDs back to my wife and motioned us to move along.

As shuffled our family, carriages, and stuff past the booth and the family behind us started taking their clan into the area in front of the customs check, suddenly the customs lady yells,

“STOP!”

We freeze in our tracks. Did we forget something with her? Then she looks down at my daughter in the carriage in my hands.

“That child, is she with you too?”, the customs lady asks.

I managed a simple “yes” and a look of, “well, yeah, that’s pretty obvious, right?”

The customs lady asked for her paperwork again. She looks through it. As she’s doing this, we’re in the middle of the way, since it’s one path for two customs check booths. We’re blocking people from the other booth. The family behind us are looking at us like “WTF.”

The customs lady asks for my daughter’s name, I tell her. Another customs officer comes over to check what’s the problem. Finally the customs lady lets us continue passing and gives us back our documents.

It didn’t actually take that long. Just a few moments of random awkwardness, but it got me thinking afterward, how could she not have thought my daughter was with us? We gave her my daughter’s passport, I’m standing right behind the carriage holding onto the handles the while time she is checking our documents, and then when we’re going, she asks “is that child with you too?”

You mean the child that is so obviously with us that I’m pushing her around in a stroller right in front of your face the whole time? Are you kidding me?

Did she just not see the stroller or that there was a child in it or did she think that I was just holding onto the child of the family behind us? We’ll probably never know. It’s possible the holiday rush got her frazzled or maybe she needed another cup of coffee at that point. I know I needed a cup of coffee at that point, and a shot of whiskey while you’re at it.

“YOUR WIFE?!”

On the way back to Hong Kong, we figured that we would learn from the previous incident and try something a little different. The customs lady seemed to have gotten confused by the sheer number of people and passports we handed her, so this time I would go with my son and his documents. My wife would go with daughter and her documents. We would go as two groups.

As we approached the customs check, we planned to go one after another. I’m not sure how it happened, but a British couple ended up in between us. We figured, no. Big deal, we’ll be done pretty quickly after each other.

Wife went with daughter to the customs guy and went quick and smooth, no incident. Then the British couple in front of us went for their passport check…. but something was up. The customs guy was scrutinizing over their paperwork longer than usual. Another customs officer walks over and they confer with each other. Meanwhile my wife is waiting, wife daughter, over in the area where it says, “please don’t wait long here, keep going.” I already see another customs officer, some older guy in I uniform, approach her and ask her to keep moving, but I see my wife motioning with hands and arms that they’re still waiting for us to be done, not get separated and all that sort of thing.

Eventually, the British couple gets asked to go to “The Booth”.

I don’t know if that’s what it was actually called, but it was a elevated booth, above the rest of the other customs checkpoints, with two more officers up there. As they are being escorted up there, I can hear the young, British lady saying “I don’t know what the problem is.” Well, hopefully they managed to describe to them the problem before they pulled out the rubber glove and told them to relax.

As the customs guy gets back to the booth to finally check our documents, I hope I won’t have to suffer the same fate, especially since it would mean carrying my son in stroller up the steps to The Booth, which by this point, I had not the energy to do.

The customs guy looks over the paperwork and asks me to say my son’s name. I say it. He asks if my son has a Chinese name. I say he does. He asks me to say it. I try my best to say it with the right tones. I assume I failed, though.

The customs guy asks me if I could write my son’s name. The spontaneous sound that came from me, I could only describe as half scoff, half “are you kidding me?” laugh, and half trying to hold it all back and failing. I know that’s a lot of halves, but this was a big reaction to his question. And all while saying “no no no no no no no.” As I was saying it, it occurred to me that I probably should give it the old college try to learn how to write the characters of my son’s Chinese name, but I had bigger worries at hand.

The customs guy’s facial expression when from immediate surprise to confusion to “hmmm, sounds like someone needs to go to THE BOOTH.”

I immediately recover composure and point out my wife. “My wife knows how to write it.”

“YOUR WIFE?!” he says. I don’t know why he put so much emphasis in saying that. It’s like the combination of confusion western guy, child with Chinese name, Western guy who doesn’t know how to write child’s Chinese name, and shock that a female may have procreated with Western guy to create this enigma child had all come together into a perfect storm of emotion response.

“Yes, she’s right over there,” I said as I pointed our my wife, still waiting over there by the exit to the customs area, wonder what’s the hold up.

“HER?! YOU’RE SAYING, SHE’S YOU’RE WIFE?!”, he responds. It was like whatever emotional outburst had formed from the initial “You’re wife” had picked up steam and multiplied exponentially. As I looked over to see what could be so shocking about me pointing out my wife standing with baby carriage, I got a possible clue as to why the customs guy’s response had been so fervent. The customs officer that stood guard, telling people to keep moving and not wait there had changed shifts. The officer that was standing there now, was not the older guy from before, but this tall, beautiful, modelesque woman in uniform. She kind of looked like Angie Ng.

Immediately, I realize he thinks I’m pointing at supermodel customs officer and calling her my wife. I imagine one of two possibilities: he’s either upset at me for trying to pull his leg or he’s jealous because he’s been eyeing supermodel customs officer for years now, constantly trying to figure out the best way to voice his feelings towards his secret crush, and I’ve just become to asshole who wants step right in his way. The Booth seems more and more a definite possibility.

My wife notices me empathically waving her over. “Yes, yes, that’s my wife coming over,” I say.

He turns, sees that I do in fact have a wife approaching, and says “I see” with a combination of ‘sigh of relief’ and ‘how silly of me’.

I explain to my wife what’s happening, the customs guy wants me to write my son’s name. She talks to him in Chinese, writes in the air with her finger the characters, and confirms everything to the customs guy. With a stamp of the passport, he sends us on our way, and we happily walked along, at long last heading home and without a visit to…. THE BOOTH.

Cactus in a Tea Cup: A Love/Hate Story

It was a rainy day in Hong Kong as I tried to take my parents around town while they visited from out of town.  We dodged the rain by ducking into a ceramics shop in Sheung Wan.  The shop carried all kinds of ceramics: bowls, plates, tea sets, pots for plants, etc.   In a section towards the front, they even had these little plants for sale.  Little bits of greenery meant to cheer up a very small corner of a very cramped apartment.

As I was lurking in the corner, waiting for my parents to finish picking up little ceramic knickknacks for souvenirs,  I observed this western guy standing near a shelf of tea cups.  The guy was, one-by-one, picking up and examining every single tea cup there.  Each time, he held up a tea cup he would then drop a little cactus inside, examine it, realize it was an awkward fit and then move on.  From what I could tell, this guy was intent on searching for the perfect tea cup to be a pot for his little cactus.  Each time he came up a bit short in his endeavor.  I can only assume that he had no interest in any of the selection of actual pots for little plants that were stocked in a shelf nearby.


I felt for the guy.  He was on a mission to find a new home for his new spindly friend and he was not going to be deterred in his search.  He would try a blue cup with stereotypical Chinese porcelain design.  Nope, too wide.  Then he’d try a red cup with a more avant garde interpretation of stereotypical Chinese porcelain design.  Nope too deep. Then a green one, etc. etc. etc.  I watched this scene for five minutes and I gotta admit,  I was kind of routing for the guy to finally find a cheap $5-10HKD tea cup for his stupid, little $5HKD cactus. 

What I found most entertaining about this was not so much the western guy’s plight for the perfect tea cup-cactus combo.  It was the middle-aged Chinese lady standing right next to him.  It seemed she too was shopping for tea cups, but I imagine she had strictly more traditional uses in mind.  The entire time, while the westerner was dropping his cactus in each and every single tea cup, she was standing right next to him, unnoticed and giving him this dirty look.  It was the kind of dirty look that was the perfect combination of horrors and bewildered.   

I could tell in her face that she really really, really wanted to tell this guy that these were not flower pots.  There were a couple of moments I could tell she was building up the courage to say something, but she never seems to build up the nerve to blurt it out.   So, she’d go back to giving him the look.  If you’re wondering what that look looked like, it was something along the lines this picture of Teresa Mo.

Damn gwai lo better not get his thorns in my tea cups.

So with her unwilling to speak up and the guy unreletantly focused on his quest, I stood back and watched this comedy of errors for a few minutes, until finally, at long last, the western guy found a cup to his liking near the bottom of the shelf.  

The guy went off with his cactus in a tea cup.  The lady picked up her own tea cups.   And both went their separate ways, never to meet again. A brief and mundane chance encounter that probably ruined each other’s day a little bit.  

Still, I couldn’t help, but think that through it all, a tiny connection was formed between these two wayward souls.  One that will stay with them without even knowing.  In either case, I was amused.  It’s not every day that you get to watch an accidental, live action, theatre of the absurd performance art piece in a Hong Kong ceramic shop.  It was like a Samuel Beckett play… if that Samuel Beckett play was silent… and starring Teresa Mo.

A “Quick” Kebab Before the Ferry

Was heading home from Tsim Sha Tsui.  It was 10pm and I was exhausted.  Just wanted to crash.  Figured if I caught the next ferry from TST to central, that would give me just enough time to catch a second ferry from Central to home.  

10:05, the ferry wasn’t at the pier yet, next one was at 10:10.  I had skipped dinner earlier and was starving.  Needed a quick bite and I saw a kebob shop near the ferry entrance.  It seemed like my best bet.  Then the following transpired.

AT THE KEBOB SHOP….

ME:  Hi, do you have anything really quick, I have 5 minutes before I have to catch this next ferry.

SHOP LADY: Yes sir, the chicken kebab wrap is quick.

ME: OK, are you sure?  I only have 5 minutes.
SHOP LADY: Yes sir, chicken wrap is very quick.

ME: Great!  I’ll take that one.
FOUR MINUTES AND TEN SECONDS LATER

ME: Is that kebob done yet?  The ferry is here and about to leave.

SHOP LADY: 11:30 sir.

ME: what?!

SHOP LADY: The ferry runs till 11:30, there’s plenty of time.  No rush.

ME: No!  I have to catch this ferry to take another ferry.  That’s why I said I only had 5 minutes.  I’m not waiting till 11:30 for a kebob!

The Cook behind her scrambles to wrap up the kebob.  He hands it to her.  The Shop Lady is taking her sweet time bagging it. The Cook urges her to hurry up.  She holds out the bag and starts saying…
SHOP LADY: Thank you sir, have…

I don’t let her finish, I grab the bag and am running immediately.  I hear her be like “Oh!”  Surprised that I’m in such a hurry. I’m running for the ferry gate, the whole time I’m yelling…

ME: Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!  Fuuuuck!  Hold the ferry!  Hold the gate FUCK!!!
The gate closes, but has just enough give for me to open it, let myself through and run into the ferry gang plank.  I’m on the ferry and coasting along on time.  If I missed that ferry, I would have been waiting another hour for the next ferry at Central to home.

I know I didn’t fully explain to the Shop Lady all the details of my travel plans, but what part “I only have 5 minutes” did she not understand?  Even without all the details of my travel needs, why is it that she assumes I have all the time in world?  I ask her if it’s done like she promised and her response is “11:30.  The ferry runs till 11:30.”  Matter of factly.  

People like that are everything that is wrong with the world. If you agree, let me know in the comments.  If you don’t agree, let me know too and then feel free to wait and hour and a half for your next quick meal.

A Lady Was Nearly KNOCKED down a Long Flight of Steps by Someone Texting While Walking

At Tseun Wan MTR station, I nearly witness a tragedy unfold.

I have to admit, I do it myself, fairly often actually.  Walking while texting or Facebooking or even writing in this blog.  I try to be careful, looking up regularly to make sure I don’t walk into walls, poles, people, buses, etc.  Yesterday, however…


… I had my hands full.  With a bag in each hand, I wasn’t able to do the regular quick check of my phone that usually turns into a half an hour of reading people’s Facebook wall fights.

It was probably because of this that I had a full view of someone of else doing what I would probably be doing otherwise, walking along, typing away.  The young woman was heading for the escalator, as well as I.  What she didn’t see was another woman who had just come up an escalator and was heading for a collision course.


The second woman looked like she was trying to get her bearings.  Most likely she had not been to Tseung Wan station for a while, or ever, and was trying to figure out what direction to go for her exit.  It was because of this that the second woman didn’t notice the woman on her phone walking straight towards her.  Nor did she notice that she was standing right by the top of a very long staircase when the texting lady was approaching.

It happened in an instant.  As I stood there, silently bearing witness to it, time seemed to slow down slightly.  The young lady on her phone and the woman trying to find her bearings, collided right at the top of the stairs.  The lady lost her balance and tee-toddled on one foot, waving her arms, trying to get her balance, as the heel of her foot was tipping over the top of the stairs.

The young lady on her phone backed up, face slightly aghast, as she simultaneously reached out with one hand to say “sorry”, while securing her phone with the other hand.

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My mind immediately sent electrical signals to my imagination to imagine screaming “NOOO!!!” as the scene unfolded.  But it all happened too quick for my imagination to send the signals to my arms to drop my bags and reach out to save the woman.

By sheer luck and a bit of expert, amateur tightrope walker style re-balancing, the woman regained her footing and stayed at the top of the stairway.  A brief moment of realization of what happened transpired before she gave a very dirty look to the young lady, who went back to her phone texting and heading to the escalator as if nothing had happened.

Seeing that tragedy was overted, I went back to my business.  But I couldn’t help think that this is something that must be happening all too often.  I tried looking up how many injuries or fatalities come about from texting while walking.  Best I could find was an article in USA Today that blamed a large surge in pedestrian deaths last year on cell phone use.

In either case, stay sharp and watch your steps my friends, whether texting or not.

Kung Hei Fat Choi! Now Follow These Rules! 

It’s Chinese New Year New Year and the MTR is showcasing some new “don’ts” for the holiday season.

Passing through the MTR recently, you might have noticed signs like this around each station.

When I saw, I immediately thought to myself “special rules for Chinese New Year.”  Let’s take a closer look at what we see here.

For starters, I think most Hong Kong people are familiar with this one…

No Metallic Balloons.img_3574

I kind of figured this was some kind of super precautionary measure, just in case one of these wanders on to the track and gets sucked into some machinery.  But, apparently, the threat is real though.  Back in 1996, a “rogue Minnie Mouse Balloon” made it’s way onto a track and short circuited all the lines from Admirality to Quarry Bay.  So, I can understand this one.

But then you have this one…

No Orange Trees.
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Even the briefest encounter with Chinese New Year in Hong Kong, will make you wonder, “what’s with all the orange trees?”  They are a fairly integral part of traditional Chinese celebrations for the New Year.  This comes from the similiarity of the Chinese word for “tangerine” to the word “luck”.  Also, the Chinese word for “orange” is similiar to the word for “wealth”.  Therefore a gift of orange or tangerine tree is like wishing someone “an abundance of happiness and prosperity”.

So why the ban on orange and tangerine trees on the MTR?  I took a look through the MTR website and couldn’t find much on this, so I’m going to assume that it’s because the MTR management is worried that oranges will fall off the trees and then some tai tai will step on them and start screaming “Aiya!  My Christian Louboutin’s are ruined!”

Next we see this one…

No Candles and… Insense Sticks, I think?img_3574

It goes without saying that the last thing you’d want on a crowded rush hour MTR is someone lighting up candles or incense… I think those 3 sticks in the middle are incense. They could just as easily be Roman candles or tiki torches from the look of it.  One would think this would fall under general, year round common sense, “don’t light fires on a train”.  Given that there’s an actual sign being put up for it, it’s hard not to imagine that some buffoon must have tried this at some point or another.  Hence, the need to warn others.

Last, but not least we have…

No Roasted Pig
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What Chinese New Year celebration in Hong Kong is complete without a Cantonese style roasted pig.  This is, by far, one of my favorite traditional dishes in Hong Kong.  If someone has a roasted pig served up, you can be sure that I’m geting seconds, and thirds, maybe fourths.  But what gives about not letting these on the MTR?

Of course we all know that eating and drinking is not allowed on the MTR, but carrying food frm place to place is usually not an issue.  While I could imagine someone getting impatient and ripping into one of these roast pigs right ont he MTR, I doubt that would be very feasible.

I guess one can imagine it must be because these are already kind of awkward to carry. You have to carry them flat, can’t just plop this on a seat.  Plus, if it’s not a suckling pig you’re carrying, that mofo is going to be one big slab of meat.  I’d imagine it would only be a matter of time before the guy holding this, loses control and drops it all over some tai tai’s brand new Chanel outfit.

In either case, we wish you safe travels on your holiday, whether you’re heading on the MTR to visit family and friends or taking a different mode of transport.

Happy year of the Rooster to all!  Gong Hei Fat Choi!

rooster